Slushaggedon 2014: Ken's show

Listener comments!

♥ 9:58pm Ken:

Morning everybody!

♥ 7:41am groucho:

mornin'

♥ 7:46am Ken From Hyde Park:

I must arise and whip up some breakfast now. Kids are home today because of impending snow storm. If you can play the "Don't Eat Chicken Fat" song, I can tell them how our gym teacher in elementary school had us do jumping jacks to that song.

7:58am Cory:

morning all. Ken, could you play something to cheer up my un-employed wife today? Please and thank you x 100.

8:11am Okasa:

A wintery Good Morning to Ken and to all the non-Kens alike.

♥ 8:25am Asheville Jon:

a sunny and mild morning to all y'alls

♥ 8:30am egal:

effing groundhog.

♥ 8:38am Ken:

Morning everybody! Cory, what kinda thing for the little ladyt?

8:39am f☊f☊ (:

Hello, Ken and people!

Glad to be here once again.

8:46am Cory:

do you have a non-Dolly version of Jolene? or something about funny about retail?

♥ 8:55am dale:

about a foot in the mt. hope area. deer at the bird feeder are elbows deep.

8:57am f☊f☊ (:

Something funny about retail? Can't thing about any song. But I'd check the Jokerfan catalog. I bet he a song about that particular topic.

8:58am f☊f☊ (:

*I bet he would have a song about that particular topic

Damn auto-correct. Wait, I don't have auto-correct.

♥ 8:59am Guido (Cologne):

Hello everybody!

♥ 9:00am duke:

Ken, make it stop snowing.

9:01am f☊f☊ (:

Guidoooo!!!

♥ 9:01am Ken From Hyde Park:

Kids...get over here! Touch your toes!

♥ 9:01am groucho:

I'll have that snow! Ken, make it snow in England

♥ 9:02am common:

ken ken ken. yes, ken. everyone. my feet are wet.

9:02am KOTJ:

snowy and schmaltzy

♥ 9:03am George of Troy:

Ack! The chicken fat song. They used to play this during gym class when I was in elementary school in Queens.

9:03am P-90:

[stepping over fence from John Alen's playlist]
Good morning, Ken and assembled company. Wow, everyone's sweating over here

9:03am zoot allors:

robert preston!! always a crowd pleaser, and with buddy hackett - how can you not love shipoopie as one of the worst songs in history?

9:03am KP:

anything by vanilla ice

♥ 9:03am common:

man, i wish i was in bed listening to sounds, like that person over there.

♥ 9:04am dale:

if we're in an exercise mode the 'lovers lunge' can't be far off.

♥ 9:04am listener james from westwood:

"silly showgirls in gooey gowns! 2, 3, kick, turn! turn, turn, kick, turn! it's enough to make you puke!"

9:05am P-90:

"Pump pump pump!" Dale, you were right

♥ 9:06am dale:

damn, i thought about ahnold, too.

♥ 9:07am common:

arnold. gettin the butt moving.

♥ 9:07am dale:

did he say squat and excrement in the same sentence?

9:07am P-90:

I cahll zem squvats...

9:07am bibi:

hi all. guido, does yr english sounds like arnold's ?

9:08am glenn:

the perfect song for cory and wife: the bargain store. by dolly, and "sort of" about retail.

♥ 9:09am SSS:

Sorry I missed the schmaltz song.

♥ 9:09am Guido (Cologne):

@bibi
not as clear to be honest.

♥ 9:10am groucho:

Oh, Arnold!

9:10am P-90:

Wotate in a zurcellar motion, c'mon effrybody!

♥ 9:10am duke:

Wait aren't both legs in the air now. How am I supposed to stand?

9:11am Nardo:

I left my gym bag at home. Damn.

♥ 9:11am SSS:

I wonder how Ahnold FEELS about schmaltz?

♥ 9:11am dale:

these were instructions to his cleaning lady, fer sure

9:12am bibi:

"more energy", cmon arnold thats enough.

♥ 9:14am SSS:

Maybe Ahnold NEEDS more schmaltz? Lots o energy!

♥ 9:14am Guido (Cologne):

Compliments Ken!
Didn't know that one!

♥ 9:15am Guido (Cologne):

... and now comes Cindy und Bert?

9:16am f☊f☊ (:

Atchung! A Krautrock threat has been detected in this sector.

(Which is great news, if you ask me).

9:16am KOTJ:

Der Thigh Meister

♥ 9:16am dale:

re; the karel gott gif: could be worse ways to go

♥ 9:17am SSS:

Lota schmaltz in those thighs

♥ 9:18am Guido (Cologne):

Actually Karel Gott beats Cindy und Bert ...
... the coda was quite something ...

♥ 9:19am CZECHANO:

Flik Flok I'm awake

9:19am P-90:

@SSS: funny, I used to date a gal named Lotta Schmaltz...

9:19am Neg-guh-tor:

Dizzie!

9:21am P-90:

...just can't resist that butt bongo thing, can he?

9:21am fred von helsing:

fat burning ? where's my pork rinds no make that people rinds ?

♥ 9:21am Ken From Hyde Park:

The picture in my head is a block of people all shoveling snow in rhythm to these songs. Also, thanks for leading off with my suggestion.

9:22am KOTJ:

How the hell does she know I'm doing well?

♥ 9:22am Michael:

Watch it Ken - Stern might sue for that butt bong gif!

♥ 9:22am CZECHANO:

WFMU keeps to their New Year's Resolution. Imagining X-Ray Burns workin' out to this

9:24am Pete from Boston (and NJ):

Sure, when I proposed a WFMU exercise show, I got laughed out of New Jersey. I now see it was just so this Lucy character could steal my idea.

9:24am f☊f☊ (:

Great set. So far I have lost 2 lb.

9:25am steve the horse with no name:

Hello Ken

9:25am HarktheUmpire:

Grammar police here, it's Vive la Fête.
Nice song!

♥ 9:28am Guido (Cologne):

Singers scared to death!

♥ 9:29am common:

nice screamin!

♥ 9:30am Ken From Hyde Park:

Can't I just get the liposuction instead?

9:33am bibi:

"intelligently aggressive", i'll socially abuse that one.

♥ 9:35am dale:

there's a dance scene or two in gentleman prefer blonds with those hairy men and it is just. so. awful. i'd be embarassed to be one of those dancers.

♥ 9:37am common:

am i a sailor?

♥ 9:37am SSS:

NoNoNo! Live on schmaltz!

9:39am Pete from Boston (and NJ):

I'm just so mesmerized by the flamingo's knees.

9:40am Pete from Boston (and NJ):

Lemons make scratched LPs smell like lemons.

9:40am Neg-guh-tor:

Please say Svartzvenhegger again.

9:41am Sam:

You want scurvy?? Those lemons will SAVE YOUR ASS!

♥ 9:41am common:

damn straight, ken! i remember when we were on the ship. whew.

9:41am KOTJ:

But the fruit of the poor lemon is impossible to eat.

♥ 9:42am Ken From Hyde Park:

Life gave me apples and I made a pie.

♥ 9:42am Asheville Jon:

BOOTYGRABBER, DR.

♥ 9:42am SSS:

Not with a salty schmaltz schmere!

♥ 9:43am Dan B From Upstate:

All right, I've been thinking. When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these?! Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the man who's gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I'm gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!

♥ 9:45am common:

@ dan b: hee hee!!!

9:46am KOTJ:

i see Stevie plays drums.

9:47am CeeDubbles:

I'm so full of lemons.
If I eat any more lemons I'd have to vomit first.
Sometimes I'll eat 2 or 3 lemons in a single day.
I love lemons!
I can't be any clearer than that.
I love lemons!
I'll eat every lemon in New York City.
I can't even go into Korean grocers anymore because I'll eat all the lemons.
I'll say "Where's the lemons? Gimme the lemons! Get the lemons!"
And they say, "We know how very much you love lemons, and we know you very rarely have the money for any of our lemons, so get outta here, because you can't afford our lemons! But we know how much you love lemons, so get outta here, you can't afford the lemons!"
I'll punch somebody in the head for some lemons.
Give me all your lemons!
I love lemons!
Gimme the lemons!
Now!
I love it!
I love lemons!
Gimme your lemons!

9:49am P-90:

...or someone like him?

9:50am steve the horse with no name:

Don't knock the back door if you haven't tried it

9:50am Gene Simmons:

Gimme my harmonizer back, jerk!

9:50am Sam:

I love the electrical inspector bit!

9:51am Pete from Boston (and NJ):

I spent three days last week waiting for the electrical inspector. As it turns out, the later they are, the more annoyed *they* tend to be. @#$% inspectors....

9:52am f☊f☊ (:

Jokerfan guy rules!!! More of him please! I'm actually web searching now for a song with a lemon theme from him.

9:52am P-90:

Takes a lot to get ANYthing done over there, doesn't it?
Curious chain of command at the station

♥ 9:53am Ken From Hyde Park:

That was shocking.

9:54am Dave B:

morning Ken and Kenophiles

9:54am glenn:

jokerfan is brilliant.

9:55am M. Pudknocker:

Jokerfan RAWKS

9:55am f☊f☊ (:

Ok.. So far I've found a Jokerfan song about Peanut Butter..but no lemon yet in sight. I'm still searching. Hold on.

9:57am f☊f☊ (:

Hmm...Looks like Bod Dylan indeed made a mistake going electric.

♥ 9:58am Roberto:

I'll take this Idiot or electric Idiot just the same.

♥ 9:59am Ken From Hyde Park:

I recognize this voice...he was in a Super Bowl commercial. I'm sure he has a bright future.

10:01am jan:

Listening to Idiot Wind and then thinking of Dylan's Christmas Album proves just how far the artist has gone or is it how far gone the artist is?

10:01am Mark S:

Bob seems a little bitter in this song

♥ 10:01am Ken:

Jokerfam has a point.. I like this version a lot but I could never give up the raw anger of the BOTT version.

10:02am Cory:

Thank you, Ken. You made her laugh and smile. Good job!

♥ 10:03am Mike Noble:

too soon? 24.media.tumblr.com...

♥ 10:04am Mike Noble:

better or worse? 31.media.tumblr.com...

♥ 10:05am Guido (Cologne):

Art Garfunkel
*LOL*

♥ 10:05am Skirkie:

Is this guy a passionate and objective fan of Batman Joker or Steve Miller Joker?

♥ 10:05am Roberto:

Oh man. Jokerfan!

10:05am fred von helsing:

Waaaait a minute... Philip Seymour Hoffman spells... PhiSH

♥ 10:05am dale:

yeah, but those aren't hoffman. which you probably know. but i don't get the joke

♥ 10:06am dale:

the sunday ny times bonus puzzle learned me that the anagram of britney spears is presbyterians

10:06am jman:

great tunes!

♥ 10:09am bbell:

I was just rolling on the floor when "Paris 1919" started to play. This is a perfect day, heading into my studio now! I love snow days!!! How about a little Lou Reed?

♥ 10:09am duke:

This is one of my all time favorite tunes. Paris 1919

10:09am f☊f☊ (:

Talking about Hoffman...What about playing the funny Jesus Christ Super Star soundbite ? It can count as a mini-tribute. And has no date rape jokes in it!

♥ 10:09am Mike Noble:

jim gaffigan (the first one) sort of looks like PSH

♥ 10:09am Stau:

Always love those jokerfan songs

♥ 10:11am Stau:

I reached out to him and he's writing a custom valentine song for my wife. that ought to get some good points, ya think?

10:14am f☊f☊ (:

That's great Stau! I hope iTunes or Spotify won't block him. Long live the Jokerfan.

♥ 10:15am Dan B From Upstate:

We've got over a foot of snow up here and literally no one called in to work. Even the ones that drive over an hour like Andy.

♥ 10:16am Fuzzy:

Posse Comitatus whazzat?

10:16am fred von helsing:

GWOT eat my shorts

10:16am glenn:

not everybody loves the jokerfan. theworstthingsforsale.com...

10:17am bibi:

god is obviously on wfmu's side. facts prove it everyday.

10:18am Sam:

Instead of improving Blood on the Tracks, why not just improve rail safety?

10:18am Dave B:

Hey - are those stars next to the GIFs for favoriting them independently from the tracks?

10:18am fred von helsing:

posse comitatus move to russia ya fookin' hippie

10:19am Sam:

How much did you "tip" him?

♥ 10:21am Fuzzy:

@fred: P.C is a moot point anyway these days since the cops have all been militarized too.

10:21am f☊f☊ (:

Sam,

More importantly, is the electrical inspector still chained to the chair down in the basement?

10:21am fred von helsing:

@fuzzy so true. yesterday's washpost article.

♥ 10:23am pgw in mntclr:

this East River Pipe really hits the spot

♥ 10:25am common:

i always liked this b52s tune for some reason.

♥ 10:27am SSS:

If this isn't the B-52s most schmaltzy song, I don't know which is...........

♥ 10:28am Roberto:

Yep, something about this tune evokes the sensation of mellowing out after an ordeal of some sort.

10:28am Faye:

rly enjoying the music today Ken!

10:29am hamburger:

yay doi-ty gui-tah

♥ 10:30am Guido (Cologne):

special instrumental section?
Singing groups doing instrumentals, interesting topic!

♥ 10:30am Roberto:

Time for NYC parents' survey: whose kids did or didn't make it to school this morning?

♥ 10:31am Roberto:

Well let me rephrase that: whose kids made it to school and whose kids didn't?

10:32am f☊f☊ (:

The little Panda gif is overly cute that I might need an antidote gif.

10:33am still b/p:

There's a friend of mine who....who...doesn't think pandas are cute.

♥ 10:34am Guido (Cologne):

song of the Silesian weavers.
Political Lyric by Heinrich Heine....
... Germany, we weave your shroud.

♥ 10:35am Guido (Cologne):

... we weave the triple curse ...

♥ 10:35am βrian:

The DSM has a name for that. The Bamboo Leaf Complex.

10:36am f☊f☊ (:

still b/p,

I know. There's even people that think Pandas should go extinct to save money for saving other species. That's is SO morally wrong. Dogs should go the way of the dodos first.

♥ 10:36am Asheville Jon:

wow, this is like a "Ken's Greatest Hits" show today.

10:36am hamburger:

panda gifs could go on iwanticewater.files.wordpress.com...

♥ 10:36am Roberto:

Aw snap. I know where this is heading. See you all in 27 minutes or however the hell long this is.

10:37am Mary Wing:

Any song with a typewriter gets clicky starred by me, oh yeah!

♥ 10:38am βrian:

Yes, but there should be more than one key.

10:38am Sam:

The sound of typing is so soothing. Like the sound of popcorn popping, or the sound of sleet falling on the roof.

10:39am still b/p:

Advertising industry won't let that happen, f☊f☊.

♥ 10:39am northguineahills:

partial to clickity-clackity typewriters as well.

10:39am KOTJ:

I liked the Cerberous Shoal after band Fire on Fire.

♥ 10:39am Webhamster Henry:

I thought it WAS sleet on the roof!

10:40am fred von helsing:

typewriters = school panic deadlines

10:40am Sam:

If you watch the butt slapping gif from near the top of the playlist, it almost looks like the typing sound is the butt slapping.

♥ 10:41am βrian:

"I remember the sound of Pa tapping on his Olivetti as the sleeper car rocked down the tracks."

10:41am pierre:

BONJOUR !

10:41am f☊f☊ (:

We could arguably say The Alvarius B song is a Ken's classic. I remember the day Ken played it for the very first time. I have fond memories from that show.

♥ 10:42am βrian:

C'est Pierre à l'écoute ! Bienvenue.

10:42am Sam:

This is where the harmonies kick in and it gets much more beautiful.

10:42am f☊f☊ (:

pierre is here! wo-hoo!

♥ 10:43am bobdoesthings:

this tune reminds me of diane cluck's early albums

10:43am pierre:

totalement à l'écoute !

♥ 10:45am Roberto:

I'll go first. One kid made it, the other didn't. 50% attendance rate in this household.

10:46am next generation correction bot:

That's actually "Cerberus Shoal" with "The Real Ding"

♥ 10:48am βrian:

Sorry to hear, Roberto. Did you send out the Bernese Mountain Dog to retrieve the other?

10:48am Sam:

I'm such a sucker for banjo

♥ 10:49am βrian:

I usually don't take sugar in my coffee, but if you insist ...

10:50am Mark S:

I might nominate "10:10" by Eyvind Kang as Ken's classic, but this is a classic too.

10:51am f☊f☊ (:

There's a typo in the Katja Ebstein entry.

It should say "Guido's Copulation!" in the album field.

10:52am still b/p:

Clean this mess up else we'll all end up in jail...

10:52am Hugh:

I feel like I've joined a cult.

10:52am hamburger:

(I used to think the typewriter was Ken typing over the music...)

♥ 10:53am Roberto:

Not necessary. When I say she didn't make it, I mean she didn't even attempt it.

♥ 10:54am Cubicle Carl:

WFMU is kinda like a cult

♥ 10:54am common:

this nilsson/duvall song always makes me weepy. sniff.

♥ 10:55am Webhamster Henry:

How about "He's Large"?

10:55am f☊f☊ (:

*passing some tissues to common*

10:56am Hugh:

Weird. I watched Punch-Drunk Love night before last, incl. He Needs Me (with Shelly Duvall)

♥ 10:56am Mike East:

@Webhamster Henry - I love that song!

10:57am Mary Wing:

I think it's called Sad Trumpet Syndrome, common...

♥ 10:57am βrian:

Hell, when I was a kid we used an ice axe to tunnel our way to school and didn't think anything of it.

10:57am KOTJ:

Too bad Momus's I want your but I don't need you is riddled with expletives

10:59am bill:

Oh this is very good, yes

10:59am still b/p:

¿Quien es mas macho: Animal House Bluto o Popeye Bluto?

♥ 10:59am common:

@mary wing: yea. and...shelly duval? i dunno. that song was used so well in Punch Drunk Love! i love shelly duval, but she makes me sad. (?)

11:01am f☊f☊ (:

I am more macho, still b/p. I have a big moustache to prove it.

11:01am hamburger:

sorry if this has been asked before, but would this show ever be named: "Ken's Korner"? ... just got the 7SD Newsletter :)

♥ 11:02am Roberto:

Yeah that's what I told her. Except I grew up mostly in L.A., so the story doesn't really fly.

♥ 11:05am Mike East:

@still b/p - popeye bluto

11:08am Sean D. Daily:

WFMU serves the public interest? Since when?

11:08am earrie:

Hahaha, 'I-am-the-universe' guy gif.

♥ 11:10am Stevel:

Are letters of support from outside your listening area relevant re. the FCC renewal?

♥ 11:10am βrian:

Guy gifs, girl gifs — it's all alliteration to me.

♥ 11:10am duke:

I just got the Ken and Andy 7 second delay news. It automatically went into the junk mail folder. Is that a new feature?

11:13am hamburger:

perfect segue!

11:13am Sean D. Daily:

"I am the universe." And the universe is FABULOUS.

11:14am Thugbuster:

I love Sigh so much! Imaginary Sonicscape is maybe my favorite album with my least favorite title.

♥ 11:14am SeanG:

hail satan

♥ 11:15am bobdoesthings:

Is this jokerfan?

♥ 11:15am Carmichael:

Good morning Kenneth und Leuten auf Die Welt.

♥ 11:15am Guido (Cologne):

This could be easily misunderstood in Germany, because "liberal" means something different over here.

♥ 11:15am Cubicle Carl:

hahaha, Duke.

11:17am Sean D. Daily:

The Ultra Right Wing Conservatives guy and Extreme Left Wing Liberals guy sound like the same guy hey hey hey hey HEY WAIT A MINUTE.

♥ 11:18am Mike East:

Everyone should watch Matt Farley's film "Local Legends"

♥ 11:18am βrian:

The dude has a 45-inch single!

♥ 11:19am CZECHANO:

Sean, I think that's a definition of a libertarian

♥ 11:19am Tome:

Good morning all & good morning fearless leader! ,,, finally got a "stream" from my V DSL,, might as well have cans & string on hand FFS !

♥ 11:21am βrian:

It's your bliss; you clean it up!

♥ 11:22am bobdoesthings:

fontaine!

11:22am KOTJ:

Isn't radio your bliss? Blister?

11:22am CeeDubbles:

I wanna hear MUMM

♥ 11:22am MichelleinGreenBay:

Cibo Matto!!!

♥ 11:22am bobdoesthings:

Fontaine!

♥ 11:22am βrian:

Brigitte sets my heart to fluttering.

11:22am Sam:

Brigitte Fontaine!

♥ 11:23am common:

cibo!

♥ 11:23am MichelleinGreenBay:

Wheeeee!

♥ 11:23am bobdoesthings:

Bullshit, I clearly got in first with a comment

♥ 11:23am MichelleinGreenBay:

But play Brigitte next? It was a close call.

11:23am CeeDubbles:

I want my MUMMEY back!

11:23am f☊f☊ (:

MichelleinGreenbay is in da house!! Hooray!

♥ 11:24am MichelleinGreenBay:

Hello! Started listening just in time. :-)

11:26am CeeDubbles:

Bob, what does the fox say?

♥ 11:26am bobdoesthings:

@cee.. nothing.. he's sly and silent and cunning and shit

11:26am rat musk love:

Hi Ken

♥ 11:27am βrian:

The fox flatters the crow to get him to drop the cheese.

11:28am CeeDubbles:

Ah Cibo, they opened for Beck at the Supper Club for his Odelay release. I was with the drummer from Missing Foundation, he got lost in the crowd but ended up on stage

11:30am le shoe:

Love the New Edith Piaf

♥ 11:30am Guido (Cologne):

Why are these French records and CDs so expensive?

♥ 11:30am bobdoesthings:

@Brian ... I don't follow..?

♥ 11:32am Webhamster Henry:

Cibo Matto are playing across the street from me on Sunday.

♥ 11:32am βrian:

The Fox and the Crow:
en.wikipedia.org...

♥ 11:34am Ken:

Looks like Duane is gonna be late because of the inch of snow that fell and all. So I'll be going into extra innings, till 12:15 or so. Sure am glad I played Ding now!

11:35am f☊f☊ (:

Guido,

Are you looking at Amazon Fr?

11:35am Whooda:

Hello, am I at the right place?

♥ 11:35am Carmichael:

Feel free to play the stalling tape, Kenny me boy.

♥ 11:36am Ken:

Geez BobDoesThings, you are right! Oh well. Got tot hem both anyways...

♥ 11:37am bobdoesthings:

no sweat, enjoyed them both ken.

♥ 11:37am MichelleinGreenBay:

Sorry Bob.

11:37am bibi:

i'll be intelligently aggressive, i like xiu xiu tunes when they are short.

11:38am f☊f☊ (:

So it's 1 hour and a quarter of lateness per inch of snow.

Good lord it didn't snowed one foot otherwise we would have Ken playing till SSD. Wait....That would be awesome! A whole Kednesday!

♥ 11:39am βrian:

Ken, I just head the Blue Front has closed! It's where I would buy my Sunday NYT, Le Monde, and Guiness. I'm heartbroken.

11:39am glenn:

the fox knows all, and sees all.

11:40am CeeDubbles:

I was really hoping to hear Kylie Minougue whistle

11:40am f☊f☊ (:

*It's actually 15 minutes of delay per inch of snow.

Damn auto-correct.

11:41am tough scalp:

I'm all in for a full Kennesday 'cause I'm not going out to shovel snow until the programs over.

♥ 11:41am Webhamster Henry:

these German lyrics are Nothing like the English or French lyrics!

♥ 11:42am bobdoesthings:

I was 50mins late.. and now im chatting on wfmu.. I'm the worst employee..

11:43am KT:

sign me up for one of those LSD sugar cubes!!!!!!!!

♥ 11:44am Guido (Cologne):

One moment:
This is Ken's Teutonic Copulation!
Mine has the 13 year old Vicky!
;-)

♥ 11:45am Ken:

Me too Brian - It closed long ago I think.. I used to live right near it, on Arch St. At least the Fleetwood Diner is still there,...

11:49am KOTJ:

That robbery video is a stretch.

♥ 11:50am Andrew Waterloo:

Yah, that is one bizarre robbery

♥ 11:50am Ken:

What's it from KOTJ?

11:51am Whooda:

KOTJ I could go for ONE ostrich accomplish...but TWO!? Come on, that's just not believable.

♥ 11:51am Ken:

OHHH a STRETCH! I thought you said Sketch.

♥ 11:52am bobdoesthings:

What album is the lady in the bathtub tapping her foot to?

11:52am KOTJ:

I don't know but its emu-sing

11:52am KOTJ:

www.huffingtonpost.com...

11:53am KOTJ:

a stretch...emu-sing.

♥ 11:53am I.K.E. (Ice King Enterprises):

Where is my ice-pocalypse?! I told my boss it was too hazardous to come into work today, so I need ice to hail down from the sky in buckets! LOTS OF ICE! Where is it?! Come on! Fuck you, sky!